Listening is a crucial skill for success in any relationship
Words by: Jayadev Menon Image source: i.pinimg.com
Stop talking, start …….. !
James was Location Manager of a Service Sector Company – he had a multi-functional team and juggled with multiple targets given to the Profit Centre he was heading. Having to deal with a number of tasks and issues James was often keyed – up and fidgety. He enjoyed giving orders and asking for reports, but there was a problem when people came to him with their own set of concerns and queries.
He seemed to have something on his mind all the time – even during conversations with people seated in front of him he could be seen staring at the Computer Screen or glancing at his diary or responding to calls or messages on his phone. While it was easy for him to give instructions others found it tough to get his undivided attention on a manner that was important to them.
Having worked at the same location for close to 2 years in the Customer Service Department Leela knew all about James’ behaviour and mannerisms. She was a confident and smart person and had developed an interesting strategy to deal with the situation. When there was any matter that needed James’ intervention she walked into his cabin, but before uttering a single word on the subject she followed a ritual.
Once inside the cabin Leela would say – “James, may I borrow your phone for a second?” He hands it over with a half – smile on his face. With the phone in her custody she reaches forward and switches off the computer monitor and gentle closes the diary that has his schedule for the day.
When all the possible distractions are out of the way she sits down and says – “Now we are ready to talk!”
The first time she had done it James was taken aback because such behaviour wasn’t expected from a subordinate – but Leela had said quite firmly that the discussion would last less than 10 minutes and he had relented. Later it became a ritual and James played along because he knew she was only doing it only half – seriously and the intention was to get work done without any distraction or waste of time. Leela had to resort to this extreme measure to get his attention, but many others often failed to get a patient hearing from their manager.
Are you really listening?
People like the person described above are common at the workplace these days. It is becoming increasingly difficult to stay focused on one subject or activity. The source of distraction are many – phone calls, text messages, social media, pop-ups or prompts on the computer screen and people interrupting the conversation. But, more than those interruptions it actually is an attitude issue.
Many people often respond to email or phone calls while they are in conversation with someone – “It will only take a minute” or “It’s urgent!” are the explanations given. This isn’t a good idea because both parties involved are being short-changed. Lack of focus and attention will surely lead to less than optimal results.
Refusing to listen or pay attention is a clear sign of lack of interest, concern or respect – it is equivalent to insulting the other person. But there are other dangers too!
Not listening can lead to
- Lack of complete information on the subject
- Missing critical bits of information
- Poor understanding of the situation
- Inability to grasp the emotional content of the message
- Bad decisions/decisions that can go wrong
- Strain in relationships
Those of you who have little children at home surely have had your head physically turned by a child when you weren’t paying attention to the interesting story s/he was narrating. Subordinates may not be able to yank the heads of errant managers but they would raise their voice in order to be heard or simply walk away. It takes someone gutsy like Leela to adopt an extreme measure to achieve their goals. In peer to peer conversations the erring member may get a poke in his / her side or a slap on the arm for not paying attention.
The timid and the diffident would give up and walk away despondently, but in due course they too would lose confidence in their superior.
One may have to pay a big price for not paying attention – customer dissatisfaction, employee dissatisfaction, loss of business, frayed relationships, just to name a few.
Be there!
Be physically and mentally present in the conversation. Avoid distractions of any kind. Bad listening causes a lot of anger and frustration. It is important to show the other person that you are listening.
This can be done in multiple ways:
– Set aside time for people to share their thoughts and feelings (You are listening!)
– Avoid interacting with phones or computers while in a conversation (unless very urgent)
– Avoid interruptions to the flow of conversation (avoid multiple conversations too!)
– Maintain eye contact with the speaker (Eyes and Ears open – mouth closed!)
– Respond affirmatively to the information shared
– Display empathy to the emotion content of the message
– Take notes / Ask questions to ensure that message is understood the right way
– Sum up the information gathered / decisions taken
Experts say that good listening involves the following 5 steps – Receiving, Understanding, Evaluating Remembering and Responding.
Have you noted that many of us respond to a message without pausing to understand and evaluate?
It is especially important for Managers and Business Owners to take the lead in this department. It’s not just about making the right decisions; it also sets the right example for their team – members to follow.
Sales and Customer Service personnel too need to be extremely good listeners – this skill rates high among the Business Critical skills.
People respect and like those who give them a patient hearing. Communication is complete only when both sides are heard. Anyone who wishes to grow their business and foster good relationships, with customers or within their own organisation, will practice this skill.
How many of you could read this article at one sitting, without clicking on the WhatsApp or Facebook notifications that appeared on the screen?